amti

2012

2012-01-02T21:13:00.000-08:00

My word this year is "Clarity".

Physical and mental clarity of self, family and community. So much abundance in 2011, so grateful.
So much now so much forward.

Wishing all the brilliance of love, light and laughter.

2011-10-30T23:52:00.000-07:00

Steve's Jobs' eulogy - http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/30/opinion/mona-simpsons-eulogy-for-steve-jobs.html?pagewanted=all

There is so much to a person. Warts and wonderment, and the potential to be amazement and larger than life. So big. Some find it. But it's really not the accomplishments I see here but the humanity and ability to love so largely.

I believed he changed the world largely. But what I admire most for all I've read about him is his knowing of himself and his capacity to love himself and those dear to him so seemingly completely. That is at the end the only essence that last.

Earphones

2011-09-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

I got out of bed, went downstairs and found my long missing earphones.

Life is balance once more. Amazingness is about to happen. I accept.

2011-09-06T01:28:00.000-07:00

"If you're bothered by every rub, how will you ever be polished?"
- Rumi

Ashes than Dust

2011-08-28T00:07:00.000-07:00

"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze that it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."

- Jack London, London was an American author who wrote The Call of the Wild, White Fang, and The Sea Wolf along with many other popular books.

joyless

2011-06-01T23:20:00.000-07:00

it is stifling, strangling and hopeless
in the mind of another
i stare at you and see mirrored
my ugliness
screaming an endless silence and never being heard
i want to run and run as far where the road ends
from this black eternal hole
i see no end
ubiquitous cavalier voices
just a never ending spiral
drowning in a tsunami of despair.

Enough

2011-04-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

She's sixteen and aware for the first time
It's not enough
It's stifling, lonely, overwhelming
Always searching for that elusive
Where instinct says it is out there
Reality says it's not
But she can't let go, she has seen it
She is confused
Maybe only in dreams
The wanting is burning
Can't let go of an illusion
That has been felt somewhere
Somehow someone.

illusion and ego

2011-04-19T22:22:00.000-07:00

i went out alone on my way to my tryst
but who is this me in the dark
i step aside to avoid his presence
but i escape him not
he makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger
he adds his loud voice to every word i utter
he is my own little self my lord
he knows no shame
but I
i am ashame
to come to thy door in his company

- rabindranath tagore

that is real that never changes

- Muktananda

even after all this time
the sun never says to the earth
"You owe Me"

just think what a love like that can do
it lights up the whole world

- Hafiz

random

"from the beginning i had a sense of destiny as if my life was assigned to me by faith and had to be fulfilled, this gave me an inner security and though i could never prove it to myself, it proved itself to me, i did not have this certainty it had me."

let it be

Be.

Grate on full

2011-04-05T23:18:00.000-07:00

my thoughts were grateful today for the abundance in my life, but it just takes a drop of dark ink to spread those bitter chemicals. i still cannot be unaffected. It's truly tiring.

i have a beautiful picture though... jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, jack fell down and broke his crown and jill came tumbling after. recited at bed time by elex.

If you could see the many images in my head. You would laugh and cry and perhaps be a tad horrified.

getting inspired

2011-03-14T18:14:00.000-07:00

i feel like salmon swimming up stream....getting inspired is sometimes a tortured task. my vision board needs more vision. i was playing with photoshop and realized that practice practice is indeed in need. why hasn't someone invented that damn thought recorder. the ideas and creation keep coming but the production to reality is slow moving and nearer to extinction or a vanishing act. focusing is also a challenge. i do have a version of add i'm sure.

young hearts run free

2011-02-13T00:55:00.000-08:00

i love the music from the 70's. i'm not sure where it comes from but perhaps the nostalgia of babyhood. it does something to me. triggers weird sensations. mostly i don't understand my chemical reactions, just that i have them. i feel quite hypnotize...

What's the sense in sharing
This one and only life
Endin' up just another lost and lonely wife
You'll count up the years
And they will be filled with tears
Love only breaks up, to start over again
You'll get the babies, but you won't have your man
While he is busy loving every woman that he can, uh-huh
Say I'm gonna leave a hundred times a day
It's easier said than done
When you just can't break away
(when you just can't break away)
[Chorus:]
Oh, young hearts run free
Never be hung up
Hung up like my man and me
My man and me
Ooooh, young hearts, to yourself be true
Don't be no fool when love really don't love you
Don't love you
It's high time now just one crack at life
Who wants to live in, in trouble and strife
My mind must be free
To learn all I can about me, uh-hmm
I'm gonna love me, for the rest of my days
Encourage the babies every time they say
Self preservation is what's really going on today
Say I'm gonna turn loose a thousand times a day
But how can I turn loose
When I just can't break away
(when I just can't break away)
Oh, young hearts run free
They'll never be hung up
Hung up like my man and me
You and me
Ooooh, young hearts, to yourself be true
Don't be no fool when love really don't love you
Don't love you
Oh, young hearts run free
They'll never be hung up
Hung up like my man and me
You and me
Ooooh, young hearts, to yourself be true
Don't be no fool when love really don't love you
Don't love you
Oh, young hearts run free
They'll never be hung up
Hung up like my man and me
My man and me
Ooooh, young hearts, to yourself be true
Don't be no fool when love really don't love you
Don't love you

dissatisfaction

2011-01-22T00:40:00.000-08:00

spreads like wildfire. it's like poison that climbs into another's being and spreads like black ink on a paper napkin. before awareness, another mood is destroyed.

i need to meditate more. can't seem to learn that om state where i'm not affected.

what really matters? do you know? will it be important when you look back? why are we so focus on the negative? why is that so much more attractive?

some women to the emotionally unavailable. "why men love bitches" is a title of a book.

is human nature just doomed to the dark side?

Become

2011-01-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

was listening to cbc - c'est la vie about a couple's adoption experience. two boys two separate times from Haiti.

i am always awed by the expansion of the human heart. the kinds of human souls that have such great capacity for loving and giving and the understanding of what gives us real pure undefined joy.

i sometimes have to dig really deep to see what i essentially may have that may bring some realness to my reality. but i often wonder if i have that greatness. i know i want it, but how truly real am i?

workout

2011-01-06T23:35:00.000-08:00

i did it! well for one day. zillions of happy endorphins running around in my body is fabulous.

i hope i hurt tomorrow.

good night.

mildly dejected

2011-01-05T22:27:00.000-08:00

it wasn't a good day for the mind. so tired of semi-conscious games people play. i would just love to live in a world of balance of just character and community. don't do unto others what you would not like unto self. it seems so scarce to find like-minded peace and enthusiasm of soul. not a perfect world but just one that tries at least to live with a strand of decency. tired and running out of steam in this environment of seemly such virulence, such disaffection, discord and distrust. need to break free from the toxic and acidity.
sad so very sad.

reads

2011-01-04T22:49:00.000-08:00

i've absorbed two books lately that have addicted my time. anna karenina - tolstoy and atlas shrugged - ayn rand.

i was surprised to had been so entrenched. tolstoy depth and richness of his characters is like none i've ever experienced. i'm sure i've read some others that have amazingness, but somehow his grasp of the male and female core is quite astounding to me.

ayn rand is a philosophy that i can understand but do not fully believe. her fantasies and characters are delightful. you can connect to them more if you are female:) she was born in Russia in 1906 and wrote this in 1957. she described this as her "magnum opus". Not having read any other i cannot compare but it was certainly magnificent. there are parts especially at the end where her style of "preaching" goes on and on and on...i'm not exaggerating.

i was browsing for a different read and stumbled upon "unless" - carol shields.

2011's wish

2011-01-03T01:28:00.000-08:00

a brand new slate to canvass and create. Busy drawing and bustling through all i would like to experience for the next 365 days.

"full and present living" is the trend for me this year. i've always found this very challenging. my head is always in a realm of imagination and dimensions away from "now". my word this year is "BE". for best and excellence. the restless nature struggles but i aim to succeed.

priority list:

family time
implement a long lasting exercise routine
make time for creating and hobbies
routine for work learns, tools and tasks
household organization
read and smile everyday (even if the smiling is just a facial exercise)

material list:

epson stylus photo r1900 printer . i accept donations.
as many books as i can read. i accept recommendations. i would like to read almost everything. a home wall to wall library is beautiful.
wine
tickets to oprah
photography classes

that's it. happy new year.

US

2010-11-03T23:21:00.000-07:00

The US is like an abused spouse that keeps going back to the abusive relationship.

From Dan from Reddit.

A day in shoes I don't like

2010-09-03T22:23:00.000-07:00

My morning began with spillage of hot coffee on myself at about 7:50 am at work. I was literally drenched. I then proceeded later to slip on my kitchen floor holding Boo, burning skin with friction trying to break my fall then falling flat on my back. Later I took Am to her physiotherapy appointment where there was no appointment. I could go on, but what's the point.

My dear friend Helen swears that everything is meant to be and there are great lessons to be learned. No mood to learn any lessons. I would rather sky dive naked and drunk.

John Rock was a catholic doctor that supposedly invented the pill. His take was that the pill was a natural form of birth control because it duplicated the chemical, progestin which is a chemical in women that prevents ovulation. Strassmann a female scientist was in a way also trying to analyze what was "natural" in the female biology. She went to Africa and stayed with a native tribe there for 2 and a half years. She concluded that most women in the tribe menstruate 100 times in their lifetime compared to about 350 to 400 times in western women.

Apparently, whenever a woman ovulates the egg literally bursts through the walls of the ovaries. To heal this puncture, the cells of the ovary wall have to divide and reproduce. This cell division holds a risk for something to go wrong. Cancer occurs when cells divide and reproduce, they can make "mistakes" that cripple the cell's defenses against runaway growth. Thus, putting women more at risk for cancer and such. Thus, when women get pregnant and breast feed, this gives the body a break and saves her ovarian walls from months of cell division.

The question of natural has changed. Women now have evolved. We generally have children later, and sometimes not at all. This apparently stresses our system. Thus, compared to our counterparts even a century prior, as our choices and options widen, it has it seems taken a toll on the "natural" aspects of our biology. Our biology in reproduction still seems to be at it's prime in our late teens and twenties, however, most of us aren't have children and breast feeding and providing the "natural flow"...

So much of progress sometimes contributes to our demise, and in our day today, it seems that taking the pill and such aids in our health and prevents ovarian and endometrial cancer, just as it seems the statistics that show that pregnancy and breast feeding lowers breast cancer risk.

What seems to be natural then may not be today as we evolve and "progress".

Life Lessons

2010-08-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

They continue, it seems on a forever basis.

nosce te ipsum - it is an ever learning process. as much that is learnt and accomplished, there is that infinity to look forward to. exhausting some moments, when you can barely grasp at its reasons, and realize that, that in itself is elusive and perhaps an illusion.

the need to evolve is great in some, but the understanding that it is not in many and the respect as such is sometimes a greater wisdom...

the mind struggles for release, that spark, that spreads peace like light in a dark night. Just to understand.

chapters

2010-04-14T12:07:00.000-07:00

The love of truth lies at the root of much humor.
- Robertson Davies

I'm planting my seeds of intention:)

my space this past few weeks has been exhilarating and exhausting. "amazingness" has happened and so has the opposite.

had a discussion with someone about "balance" this saturday as we were hosting a ufc night for my sis. it is interesting how so much variation of good and bad exist. And how simple and complex it all is at the same time. it really seems like we are all so susceptible to the mindless following of subtle and candid corruption that we are immune to the effects it has in shaping our lives and planet. i think of this often but it still catches me by surprise. i was told that there is no balance. that the world is corrupt and we are genetically selfish and self-serving. my friend says guilt makes him donate or give, not pure intent. he is disillusioned by society and human nature as a whole. the word balance he says, is really just someone hoping to offer logical reasoning to a chaotic world or to explain away the awfulness that we are capable of doing.

on a bad day, i would definitely lean toward this perception. but there are always things like this: pennies for peace that would jump into my view somehow when i'm flipping channels, or listening to cbc, or just a kind act that would make me smile and jiggle a fantastic chemical reaction in my mind and body that would bring me into a lovelier perspective.

perception is an intimate, significant and can be an irrational element in all of us. It shapes your thoughts, ideas and tolerance for others and the world. It determines your emotions and reactions. if i think about it too much, its scary how it almost has life of its own.

another chapter closes and another opens.

there never seems to be time for boredom.

time is running

2010-04-05T21:59:00.000-07:00

whirlwind of camera moments went by.

cannery is no more, but we had a lovely dinner there.

dan fell for my april fools prank:)

i bought my sis all the things i would like for her birthday.

elex got her first kiss on the lips and dan went berserk.

Bitter gourd

2010-03-07T23:24:00.000-08:00

Is a fruit that is more like a vegetable. It is bitter and definitely an acquired taste. But my palate is of an exotic descent;)

my mom makes an amazing dish of it. My mom learned to cook in her forties in Canada somehow by herself. She used to burn rice and anything she cooked. She is a fantastic cook now and seriously can rival any cook. Yes that good. No I'm not bias; I have witnesses.

i was thinking of this because of the word ''bitter''.

did you know that bitterness is the most sensitive of the tastes?

i find it an extremely powerful and relentless word. powerful as it can be all consuming, relentless as it can eat away all logic.

By definition:

Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English biter; akin to Old High German bittar bitter, Old English bītan to bite — more at bite
Date: before 12th century
1 a : being or inducing the one of the four basic taste sensations that is peculiarly acrid, astringent, or disagreeable and suggestive of an infusion of hops — compare salt, sour, sweet b : distasteful or distressing to the mind : galling
2 : marked by intensity or severity: a : accompanied by severe pain or suffering b : being relentlessly determined : vehement c : exhibiting intense animosity d (1) : harshly reproachful (2) : marked by cynicism and rancor e : intensely unpleasant especially in coldness or rawness
3 : expressive of severe pain, grief, or regret
— bit·ter·ish \ˈbi-tə-rish\ adjective
— bit·ter·ly adverb
— bit·ter·ness noun

it always amazes me how skewed our minds can get in emotions.

it's like someone over takes your mind and if you can dig out some awareness, you are looking around frantically for that lifesaver before the waves take you under and all common sense is drowned away.

spock is my favourite character on star trek. his duality of logic and emotion is the essence of the wonders and destruction of humanity.

bitterness has made wonderful people prey to its demise. it is sadly an emotional disease that can be passed on.

please try not to catch it.

flu blu

2010-02-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

i have a good donkey of a flu. snot is running down my face like a bully waterfall. did i mention i detest flus? my number two least favourite things.

my number one least favourite thing is elex having the flu too.

i was blessed with my two least favourites. the fudging stars, not a good time! hello! olympics! i have quarter final tickets - row 10. !@#$%^&

i'm going even if i'm dying.

anyone want to babysit a really really cute but grumpy toddler?

Coffee Kiss

2010-02-17T09:16:00.001-08:00

Coffee Kiss

Posted using ShareThis

did you know?

2010-02-16T22:28:00.000-08:00

a friend sent me this

if you lose your wallet, you have an 88% chance of it's return if you have a photo of a smiling baby.

thorny acacia trees produces a toxin that turns into pig swill when insects start feeding too greedily. they even give out an odour like a chemical "Twitter" to warn other nearby acadias;)

The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom. - Isaac Asimov

things you don't know you don't know about

2010-02-13T12:31:00.000-08:00

dan thought i'd be interested in this...

i was...hmmm...is he inferring that i'm dangerous?

iambic pentameter

2010-02-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

re-learning:

in poetry, a line of verse containing five metrical feet. In English verse, in which pentameter has been the predominant metre since the 16th century, the preferred foot is the iamb—i.e., an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one, represented in scansion as ˘ ´.

Geoffrey Chaucer employed iambic pentameter in The Canterbury Tales as early as the 14th century, although without the regularity that is found later in the heroic couplets of John Dryden and Alexander Pope. Most English sonnets have been written in iambic pentameter, as in this example from Shakespeare:

so long as men can breathe and eyes can see,
so long lives this and this gives life to thee.
(sonnet 18)

in the moment

2010-02-01T13:59:00.000-08:00

do you know what the name of the medical tool that can only be used by your left hand?

i'm curious on what it is, why it is so. please tell me.

today i experience a very pure moment.

i was listening to the author Ian Brown on CBC radio. "The Boy in the Moon" is about his disable son and his journey and realizations.

Walker Brown is his son that was born with CFC or cardiofacio-cutaneous syndrome; CFC is a genetic mutation that affects about 100 people worldwide. CFC is so rare it’s called “an orphan syndrome” because, as Brown explains, “it seems to come from nowhere.”

“Sometimes watching Walker is like looking at the moon,” writes Brown by way of introducing his son in his opening chapter. “You see the face of the man in the moon, yet you know there’s actually no man there.”

It’s a terrible conclusion to have to reach. But then Brown goes on: “(I)f Walker is so insubstantial, why does he feel so important? What is he trying to show me? All I really want to know is what goes on inside his off-shaped head, in his jumped-up heart. But every time I ask, he somehow persuades me to look into my own.”

I was touched by his incredible love and humanity. We are all so caught up with the ugliness of world events, the shallow and superficialness of daily news and Hollywood mimicry; i forget sometimes that there are many many amazing, genuine, intelligent and beautiful compassionate people.

we will always be searching for why certain things happen, but there is joy and bliss to the most mundane of human experiences.

the union of elements

2010-01-27T22:35:00.000-08:00

a window opened and i took a breath in
it was exhilarating and exhausting all in one.
i now have moments to explore for a definite time
many say to live in each moment and i try.
the mind is so crowded, it is difficult to hold the spectacular
and truly see it for all it's splendor.
so i learn backward as a child knows
that simply being, is in itself sublime.

a window opened for brand new eyes
it is the miracle that we all take for granted.
i am awe struck again and this moment i can embrace
life in it's spirit and that moment of now.
this wonder and hope is humanity's solace
in contrast to plastic and rapacity.

the power of pure intent is not a fleeting trait
it holds the key of greatness.
the union of elements manifest
on each simple instance of selfless giving.

of life in 2010

2010-01-06T14:30:00.000-08:00

let's see how many blogs i purge this year...

well we got off on a great start with a new year gathering.
ashti had a one-day vomit session.
ambrey has decided she would like to join the basketball team.
so that is 4 days of soccer, two days of basketball - yay, one free day.
elex has discovered her vocal cords and practices one note singing at night between one to six am.
i have lost all my music on my iPhone as dan has done some new year's re-organizing.

i'm sure i won't lose my mind in 2010, i'll be too busy doing something that will be interesting to someone.

Holiday craft and treats

2009-12-07T11:55:00.001-08:00

we made cards

we made treats

'take out' treats and other goodies

yes it's the season.

2009-11-02T23:48:00.000-08:00

Never be too sure because that is when you'll look like a fool. If life is a journey, it is sometimes a damn long one. How do you know when to get off the train? Where is my stop? Tired of the same reocurring garbage. I'm restless for change & reaching the breaking point. I guess that's when change happens. When you break.

too much 'stuff'

2009-09-13T22:35:00.000-07:00

i was washing my face where random thoughts would enter and leave as they please, when a wee small guilty poked, nudged me...waste.

it began like this.

my brother-in-law playfully, in somewhat, chagrin humour thanked me for keeping the lovely jade tree he gave me one christmas. He had previously come upon a nemo print that was in the 'garage sale' pile with a price tag on it. He had bought this for the girls one Christmas.

it's not so much the amount of 'stuff' we have. we have lots of stuff. but more the neglect we have toward our 'stuff'.

not so much is treasured anymore, and the treasured get down graded so quickly sometimes, that there is no real joy and pride in having the things we have, the things we are given, or the things we buy.

there is way too much of everything in this world and our senses are numb. too much information, technology, junk, toxins, to-do's, stress, madness, yes even pleasures. - too much 'stuff'.

there are now thousands? more? books, seminars, new age philosophies, new psychology, on how to organize, deal with, get rid of, live with, all this 'stuff'.

we are such an accumulating, all consuming, greedy society. and it is showing in the attitudes of the desensitized mini-me's we are having.

we really don't need so much 'stuff'. what we need most is the sharing of ideas, human interaction, community, good network of family and friends, health, time, lots of laughter, joy, good spirit and strong bonds.

'stuff' like that, that we really need, is scarce to too many of us.

as we are all busy busy, doing doing, paying paying blindly into a crazed world of capitalism and consumption that is killing our planet, our consciousness, our sanity...

just another random sub-conscious knowing to put into action.

always restless, never bored.

transitions

2009-07-15T09:47:00.001-07:00

well a few more days and i will be back grinding like all my fellow working friends. a year has flown by so fast and i would like another two years. yes just two years :) well maybe three...

it has been a wonderful, overflowing and sometimes trying year. but there were many blissful, cherishing, sweet and pure moments.

elex is transitioning to daycare and it is breaking me. Logically i know all the steps but my emotional mind is illogical. i will buy a lottery today.

it is a bit unnerving when life goes through the different phases ...the transition point is always a bit difficult. that's my stage right now.

it's like an analogy someone used about something else, but is relevant for me now:

to eat chocolate cake or fruit cake? Now who would pick fruit cake when there is chocolate? well doesn't it depend on the cake?

transitions brings some life choices.

Just a story

2009-04-12T22:04:00.000-07:00

on March 17 2007 Fred & Kari had a bouncing baby boy. They were over the moon with so much gooey love. Each moment was such joy and wonderment. Fred spend hours on a baby website posting mundane sillyness like each poop baby maddy had or posting a photo of almost each sleeping pose or just describing what each day was like. Kari was adjusting to her changing self in many ways but still in awe at the tiny miracle that needed her so. They were both tired, overwhelmed at times, but so very much in love with him.

A few year went by, and Fred & Kari found out that they could not have any more children.

The tears, anguish and heart wrenching pain was deverstating...

They clung to Maddy with a quiet piercing desperation.

Together but to each, the silence was lonely & deafening.

Happy B-Day Internet!

2009-04-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

Apparently April 7 1969 was the birth of the Internet.

RFI1 I think was the first seed. Many debates on the actual day but definite this was the year.

What a fabulous year!

bad day

2009-03-31T09:59:00.001-07:00

i would like to be a man today and forever.
yes that would be good.
not the best solution, but there isn't a better model out there yet.
this female thing is a great illusion and our delusion.
the alien that made this counter part should be fired.
it's like windows vista...it sucks.

an english breakfast

2009-03-18T10:47:00.001-07:00

ambrey and i made our version of the english breakfast i so loved in london, england.

Yum!

blind faith

2009-03-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

i am head over heels for my lovely John Fluevogs! the soles are inscribed:

"blind faith - you need it to see where you are going."

so perfectly fitting for me in my present stand:)

i will run with it!

2009-03-08T23:15:00.000-07:00

Simplify

2009-03-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

My word & mandra for this year is to simplify. I'm finding it more difficult than I thought... It seems that life nowadays is filled with a billion ways to cluther. One can only avoid temptation to a certain degree. So I am very slowly walking up a downward escalator. I still have lots of will and energy left so things are still hopeful:)
I have just finished a very interesting book by Margaret Atwood called Payback - debt & the shadow side of wealth. It explores the 'psychology' & 'history' of debt in a very intriging way. From mythology to religion to literature to the structure of human society, psychic & vengence.
"debt-is built into the human imgination and is one of it's dynamic metaphors".

It seems more than a manmade structure but instead a shared even animal instinct.

Read it. It's quite fascinating.

This blog write has been submitted using my iPhone. Love it!

horoscope

2009-02-23T01:44:00.000-08:00

"Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face."
- National Lampoon
"By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out."
- Richard Dawkins
"The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool."
- Jane Wagner

audacity of hope

2009-01-21T00:16:00.000-08:00

barack obama is ushering in many things. i would love to be renewed with optimism and idealism again. is it the purple pill? in any case, it is good.

http://www.michaelgeist.ca/content/view/3623/125/

monday

2009-01-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad.
- George Bernard Shaw

india

2009-01-14T00:17:00.000-08:00

i was reading maria abagis amazing blog and was reminded of the time i was in india. we were riding in a cab going somewhere, and had a wonderful conversation with the driver who invited us to his home. unusual we thought, but we were intrigue and he was a very warm soul. i remember winding through narrow alley ways like a maze where we finally reached a section where he stopped. Bursting with pride, he introduced us to his family. we were presented with tea and many tasty treats. i cannot recall what we talked about, who we were introduced to, or many details. what i do remember was the amazing feeling of connection and the wonderful time i had experiencing human generosity and camaraderie.

brand spanking new year 2009

2009-01-05T10:00:00.000-08:00

i hope you are with many happy moments and the year continues with much wonderfulness.

like every year, my year was full of experiences and learnings. every year, i find that i know less and there is so much more.

a recent heartwarming event happened when we lost ashti's jacket.

************************************************************************************
Mr Mallen and Ms Blight,

I am writing to compliment you on one of your Assistant Managers at the Chapter's at Metrotown.

My daughters and I were shopping on December the 29th, 2008 at the above location. We thought somewhere between the cash register and the Starbucks store, we lost one of my daughter's newly (Christmas) acquired Lululemon jacket with $120 worth of gift cards, some cash, her eye glasses and her cellular phone. These were all the Christmas presents she received this year. Needless to say, she was extremely distraught and in tears. I went back three times in the hopes that someone found and returned her jacket.

On my third visit Theron introduced himself and asked if he could help. He searched again, as the other services representatives did, in the same areas, as well as the office. He suggested that to leave my name and number, just in case anyone else or the cleaners may come across it.

On his way out of the mall in the P2 elevator area, he noticed a black jacket and after investigating realized that it was the jacket I described. (The elevators were not working that night, thus, my daughter Ashti (who has a broken leg and was on crutches), made her way down the stairs while I disassembled the stroller and car seat to take the baby down the stairs. A kindly security guard help me maneuver the stroller and I carried the car seat down the stairs. I am assuming somehow the jacket fell between the floors onto the area where Theron found it.)

I have a very, very happy 12 year old. I commend and am very grateful for Theron's keen observation, his integrity and excellent customer service. Does your establishment have an award program that recognizes this?

We all live in a very busy and sometimes self-absorbed society, where human kindness is often overlooked. Theron's deed has made a big difference, and I hope that it is honored and rewarded.

If there is anything that I may offer to assist this, please let me know. I have offered him a monetary reward which he has refused.

With much warmth and appreciation,
Janice
***********************************************************************************

i have some resolutions for the year, but "simplify" will be my mantra that will direct most of them.

i hope this year is good, full and rewarding for all! i hope you find yourselves surprised and joyed by life. i hope the not so great days are experiences that help you grow and be the persons you would like.

Happy New Year.

oh baby in the snow

2008-12-18T14:12:00.000-08:00

elex's first day in the snow!

elex is so adorable, if i may say so again:) however, i do so wish she would minimize her poos. it's 2pm and i have already changed seven diapers, five of which were poopy ones. help! anyone who would like to come over and change a diaper gets lunch, dinner or whatever i can bribe you with.

hmm....

2008-12-02T13:29:00.000-08:00

Harper proposed coalition with Bloc Quebecois in 2004
Source: www.voteforenvironment.ca
Stephen Harper is trying desperately to paint a coalition that includes the Bloc Quebecois as a move that will "destroy Canada."

The problem for Stephen Harper is that he proposed to form a coalition government with the Bloc Quebecois in 2004.

goodness

2008-11-29T10:46:00.000-08:00

Five-figure bonuses stun employees
Owners of ball bearings company reward workers for years of service

CHICAGO - Dave Tiderman wondered if the decimal point was in the wrong place when he opened his $35,000 company bonus. Jose Rojas saw his $10,000 check and thought, "That can't be right."

read more...

wonderful goodness.

random reads

2008-11-28T13:15:00.000-08:00

What is web 2.0? The next generation of internet medium apparently, but complex enough that it's not a one liner. Web 2.0

which led to this:

Can you clearly define 'Obscenity'? This has plague the US courts for the last fifty years. This short article explores: A History of the Definition of Obscenity

I've learned a new word: Folksonomy

test

2008-11-26T18:25:00.000-08:00

Blogger: Create your free blog via kwout

Blue Zones

2008-11-26T13:10:00.000-08:00

Blue Zones. A term coined by Dan Buettner are areas in the world that people live the longest due to a few different and similar elements.

Here is the link: Blue Zones

reality

2008-11-24T21:41:00.001-08:00

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
- Jane Wagner

enid blyton

2008-11-17T22:19:00.000-08:00

Enid Blyton was my favourite author growing up. I believe i started reading her books at about 6 years old. she wrote many genres - mystery and adventure stories, school stories and fantastical stories for children 12 and under. Enid Blyton's books have sold more than 600 million copies, and still today continue to sell more than 8 - 10 million copies. Her books have been translated into more than 90 languages. One of my favourite stories, 'The Magic Faraway Tree' was voted no. 66 in the BBC's Big Read. In 2008 Costa Book Awards , even though Enid Blyton passed on in 1968, she was voted the best-loved author ahead of JK Rowling and Shakespeare!

i remember the mystery stories - Famous Five series, Secret Seven series, the Adventures series and the Circus series. There were more I'm sure. The Secret Seven was my favourite series among these. I remember spending countless times reenacting the adventures with my cousins and friends and begging our parents for mystery type 'toys' and games to use for our 'play dates'. I remember being thrilled when I found a 'detective' type book, which showed me how to make 'invisible' ink, secret code 'languages', and varies simplistic type tools that were similar to the stories in the books. We spend many happy days engrossed in imagination and excitement.

The school series - Malory Towers, St. Clare's and The Naughtiest Girl were very charming as well. My sister, friends and I used to go to bed and make ourselves stay awake until as close to midnight as our sleepy selves would let us. We would dress up my room like a boarding school dorm (as far as our imagination took us). Pushed away my huge free standing closet from the wall to make a 'passage way' for holding the 'midnight' feasts' described in the books. We would raid the pantry secretly in the day for cookies, sweets, biscuits and purchase sodas that resemble the description of the books, and hide them in my room for the 'feast'. Sometimes it would take a week to plan and coerce our parents to allow the sleepover. We would spend days planning and giggling. i'm smiling reminiscing again. Delightful!

The fantastical genre kept me occupied for hours and hours by myself. The faraway tree series was my absolute favourite. I would spend hours reenacting and creating the characters, scenes and descriptions in the books. The series was about three children who discovered a magical tree, where all sorts of fairy folk lived. Each character was enchanting and funny in their own way. Madam Washalot, Mr Saucepan, Moonface... On the very top of the tree were magical moving 'Lands' that arrive and leave the treetop. We had a mango tree that I transformed into my faraway tree. I managed to bring up a table, chair, pots and pans and numerous props.

The imprint that this story had on me was reflected in my daughter Ashti's 1st birthday 15 years later:) I threw her an 'Enchanted Forest' Theme party. Looking back, I was definitely a little excessive and obsessive! I rental a hall, and turned a section into a mini forest where her guests would have to pass through and were met with characters from the book. ( I made my friends and family dress up as these characters.)The children would receive treats and solve mini puzzles dependent on their age. There was a dry ice machine to keep the 'forest' looking mythical and magical. When the children got to the end of the forest, there was the 'Land of Magic' where a magician would do tricks and entertain the kids with balloons, and treats. He also did a show with life mini animals, like rabbits and birds etc. After the show was done. This land would leave and the 'Land of Birthdays' arrived. The 'Land of Birthdays' was decorated with an archway of balloons and a feast laid out for the birthday guests with the magical treats described in the stories. One was the 'Hot & Cold' treat which was actually fried ice-cream, and i bought the fizzle pop candy for the older children where the candy crackle and pops in your mouth. Ashti had a stand up 'pixie fairy' doll cake. Ashti was dressed up like a pixie fairy.

I had so much fun creating this fantasy for her. We have looked back at the pictures laughing at this over the top birthday. We have Enid Blyton and her wonderful imagination to thank for this crazy joy bursting goodness.

listen

2008-11-17T13:55:00.000-08:00

i'm constantly in awe at the reach of the internet. i'm constantly wowed by the talents and creatives i encounter. i stumbled upon a blog from a course i'm taking, through the introduction forum, which led me to another site, and then to this cool word site: http://onelittleword.typepad.com/ and then came across a blog by someone from Singapore.

although i'm very far removed from much of the culture and upbringing, there is always a nostalgia when the word 'singapore' crosses my senses. this blogger won the challenge for her piece on this.

the contest challenge was for the word 'Listen'.

a very good word to ponder on.

ok i'm turning up the volume, muting the speaker.

let's see what i hear.

eyes closed

2008-11-16T22:59:00.001-08:00

...and i can sit up with my eyes closed. the family is proud.

i got a new crib today, way too spacious i say, i keep rolling onto my belly and yelling for help.

my accomplishments so far:

smiling
sucking thumb
grabbing hair
standing with help
rolling over and over
sitting up for a while
giggling
my own language (which i'm trying to teach the grown ups...who are a little slow, i must admit)

oh and i can belt a good lOUd song as well.

pretty good for my 4.5 months!

bits and pieces

2008-11-12T14:07:00.000-08:00

i've finally finish the brain book by dr amen, and am beginning anna karenina by tolstoy.

i've started the scrapbooking class and it's quite amazing. it's titled 'stories in hand'. it gives you a format to expand, and tools to organize 'ideas' in a scrapbooking type book which lets you create your 'stories' in any medium you choose. i.e. blogging, writing, photography, art, etc. there are so many imaginative people! this website uses many great communication tools from the course offerings, blog and web pages. the mapping tool that is used to show us where all her students from a particular class is located is called 'platial'. it is quite innovative to incorporate this tool, as it gives a visual component and creates a more interactive element to what could be an isolated feel to on-line classes. there are people from literally all over the world - canada, the us, australia, uk, europe etc, in big cities and tiny never heard of towns where supplies can be limiting.

on this thread, i was on the way to deliver ambrey's lunch (not a long story but not worth penning:) i caught the tail end on cbc radio about a small town in, i believe Nunavut. where almost all essentials, basically everything had to be purchased on the internet. it is a very small town with a population of about 300 people. there was a time before the internet that they had to pay bills, like cable, phone and electricity by money order as there is no bank in the town. the town does all their shopping on line, and share information on this with each other. as you can imagine, the shipping cost would be phenomenal. they are constantly looking for free or reasonable shipping. when one person finds a lead to this, it is spread like wild fire. there was a lady who was expecting. she had to ship all the baby furniture and accessories. as most people are quite home bound, on-line courses that offer ways to interact and create would be a very lucrative business, especially since the networking in that community is very cogent.

i have a birthday project (which is quite late!) and many x'mas projects on the go. hopefully i can finish!

we went to a gathering for maura and geoff on saturday and experimented with elex on her first night outing. after greeting, gooeying and gaaing with the big people, she decided to eat and sleep, so we had a good evening to mingle.

we had maura and geoff from rossland to dinner with daphne and adam as well, and it marvelous. maura made a gingerbread cake with lemon sauce which was very very yummy.

dan's b-day has quietly come and gone. he received loads of spoilings and wishes from his family in kelowna, and all. we had a quiet family dinner. he's happily ready to use his cash, gift cards, new treats and clothes. thanks to all!

ashti's leg is healing slowly. she has read a gazillion books, done all her home-schooling assignments, and loads of laundry folding. we will attempt to try to go to school next wednesday. she will be continuing another week of schooling at home. i've already picked up her homework for the week. lucky girl:)

ambrey stayed over at her best friend, pamela's home, on tuesday and had a blast. she has truly been good sport picking up after her sister and doing most of the chores around the house.

elex is growing. i tell her to stop but she doesn't listen. she's taking after her two siblings. she can roll over from her back to her tummy very well now. and sit up for quite a while now. about 30 secs to a minute. yes, i have to get that pic out. elex is taking the bottle so far, but i will have to be more consistent at giving it to her. it was a struggle earlier as i didn't commence when i should have.

ta ta.

ramblings

2008-11-07T22:46:00.001-08:00

elex sat up a few days ago! at 4 months and 7 days! for prove i have a photo and will post on the next write:)

to quench my restless spirit, i am taking piano lessons, a scrapbooking type class, and a course on exploring communication tools.

many, many more interests but for now i'm resigned to reading books on them.

anyone know of a good photography text for beginners, or a 'how to' on writing short stories and children stories?

i'm excited.

nightie night.

Barack Obama

2008-11-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

i don't think i can say anything that hasn't been said. however, to add my two cents. what made an impression on me, was the seemly raw 'kindness' and humanity, Barack and his campaign projected.

i'm sure there are many political elements as with all projects of this sort, but somehow, the earnest yearning for a better and more responsible contentment and life was communicated beyond, it seems our five senses, but to the deeper subconscious that believes in humanity over our quite natural, innate negative aspect of greed in all of us.

i am in awe and thought because we seldom get to 'see' real live triumph of such significant authenticity of amity in this magnitude.

the goodwill displayed from John McCain, from reporters, from talk show hosts, I think are effects from one person trying to maintain and encourage integrity and respect for all. it brought the goodness out in many people. sometimes we forget that it starts quite small, whether it is the positive or negative. our universe really is a reflection of this.

it is quite awesome.

preoccupation with cogitation

2008-11-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

each day, some days, i struggle with living the moment, with filling it with satisfaction, accomplishment, rich content, along with joy, and contentment. it's often odd that i use the word 'struggle' as this should come easily, so i think.

there are so many moments of 'catch my breath' elation, but they go quickly, and i'm always looking for the next fix. always restlessly trying to find a venture, change, or interest that may sustain me for a stable period of time.

the turmoil comes with the multitude of options, and dichotomy of peace and noise. i feel free and energized at times for the gift of not having to work for a while, yet also a loss of identity and purpose.

i'm reading 'change your brain, change your life' by dr. daniel amen. he explores the concept that our 'personalities' are a combination of biology, psychiatry, genetics and environmental, including associations. we are so much more complex than we can really fathom. however, bit by bit, it seems we are capable of learning more. the biology of our brain and it's many components(cingulate gyrus, amygdala,limbic system, prefrontal cortex,temporal lobes, basal ganglia etc), contain pieces of our capabilities and personality according to dr amen. he describes many case studies and how many of his patients overcome emotion disorders by medication, psychotherapy, and methods of healing that he discovered and confirmed some we already know about. he has helped depression, schizophrenia, anger issues and a multitude of 'mental' and 'control' issues, as well as ADD, dyslexia, and learning dysfunctions. he uses a brain scan called SPECT and EEG biofeedback for the biology aspect of his analysis.

i think i have huge problems with many functions especially my cingulate. this is where you get 'stuck' on a thought and have great difficulty letting it go. this is where a lot of compulsive disorders resides. oh brother...

really, the amount of neuroscience, psychology and 'enlightened' type lit, i should be a more evolved and centred person. but the reality is that the interest is the reason. the internal insanity the cause for the search.

perhaps dr amen will read this blog, and fix me. his name intrigues me a little coming from a staunch roman catholic background, that has done some serious falling...:)

elex is sleeping in my arms in the baby bjorn...another fleeting ambrosial moment.

a life lesson, a nice moment, and my grumps

2008-10-26T16:36:00.000-07:00

my first born, was hit by a car on thursday. she was quickly taken to childrens hospital. she is ok with a broken fibula and tibia.

it was quite nerve racking as one can imagine. she was crossing a side street after a volleyball game at another school. one of her friend's dad dropped her off from the back of the school to the front where i was parked and tending to our newest. she said she looked quickly and ran across the street where a car made a right turn onto the street and hit her.

the elderly gentleman who hit her was so upset and stay with us and a crowd that had been gathering until the ambulance and police came. we had a lot of help and support, but most of the event was a blur.

this is a lesson for all of us. the street was packed and there was no where that the suv that dropped her off could park. mistake. she got out of the car and crossed behind the suv. mistake. school zone with 30km signage everywhere. mistake.

each of us had a responsibility, each of us knew better. the key element is that we all took responsibility for our parts, a big, but thank goodness not a fatal lesson.

her leg will have to be elevated for a week at least, thus no school, though i'm going to see her teachers about homework. she will not be able to continue volleyball, ballet and soccer, probably for the rest of the season which is very sad for her. brightness though is she's getting pampered with lots of attention, love, wishes, presents etc which helps her very much.

on a brighter time, today, ambrey played against her old burnaby team. she was very happy to have scored 4 goals. she was very nervous the day before, and wanted to do well. her old team was really great, and the group of parents are a very warm and amazing group of people. however, this new club is much nearer for practices and home games, and although the previous coaches were extremely nice, she learned all she could there and was looking for more training. this league is also more in line with what we were looking for.

i'm very grumpy nowadays, with hormones and going through the post pregnancy stages. it's like a roller coaster ride ( i actually love roller coasters but not this one.) one example is my hair is falling out like there's no tomorrow, thank goodness i have gone through this before and have lots of hair in general, because it's a bit unnerving. I won't elaborate on all the other stuff. dan is also working 24/7 and weekends on the latest releases, which has added to my witch-like state..:( i am more house-bound, with more yucky to do's now with the recent event, so just a warning to everyone...i'm a bit volatile...

hmmm

2008-10-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

"In the temple of science are many mansions, and various indeed are they that dwell therein and the motives that have led them thither." Einstein

dissonance

2008-10-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

i'm an 'experience junky'. i remember being two. (yes really!) i was apparently a very hyperactive child and was in my uncle's workshop when we were visiting my grandparents in Borneo. i was with my cousin rose, she wandered off and i stayed to play with a vice on my uncle's work bench. i somehow managed to loosen it, and instinct told me that it was going to fall. i sat on the ground below it, stuck one foot out, and it came tumbling down on it. the rest of the story was my mother's version of the hospital, cast on my foot, how i could not keep still and it kept coming off...

i think about this incident ever so often, because the memory of it is still quite clear and i'm not sure why. i distinctly remember sitting down and waiting for it to fall on one foot. i tucked the other behind me. part of the reason of my lamenting over this is that footwear is a passion of mine, and i now have a stunned toe and well the rest are just ugly as a result of this.

part of being human is forgetting. it is what helps us through this very complex world. otherwise, i'm not sure how our brain could process each and every moment. we help expand this complexity with computers, inventions, discoveries, and really by simply thinking...anyway, i'm almost at another thought...so back to this, why is the incident so clear? i see it now in slow motion.

so many analogies, but they don't seem 'truthful' to my experience.

this train of thought comes from reading Maria Abagis' blog 'Cycling the Road Less Travelled'. they have such marvelous adventures, and the joy and aliveness of their experiences are amazing. i've always had wanderlust. i'm always smiling when i read. thank you maria:)

africa. i myself have always wanted to go there. i know nothing about africa, i've read some, but like i've read books or clippings about other places, but my craving comes from nowhere that i can logically explain. all i know is i would like to go there someday and see the Serengeti. this place more than any other.

i'm restless today. i'm usually mostly restless in my mind. there are so many things to do each day and i seem to want to do it all:) i don't think i can ever be bored as i don't know how really. mind is too busy.

well, i'm off to the reality of the routine which i love and dislike at the same time. i wouldn't trade it, i just want two of me...well maybe more. i sound very strange, even to me. insanity is the balance of life i say...

well that's the racket of some moments in my mind today.

2008-10-15T09:38:00.000-07:00

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
- Russell Baker

dan's 1st home

2008-10-12T00:54:00.000-07:00

2008-10-11T17:13:00.000-07:00

like a crab out of water

2008-10-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

horrible day.

Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.
- James Russell Lowell

hormones or something.

blah

2008-09-22T13:26:00.000-07:00

blah.

restless in thought and spirit. many things to do, but in a mode of a cluttered mindset.

taking this moment to scribble into somewhat a sane thought pattern. it is not interesting but interesting that the only certainty in life is death. this string of thought comes from dan's grandfather's recent passing.

in each of us, whether conscious or not, we struggle to organize what we want to accomplish & experience in this short time. some of this of course seem not in our power to make reality. however, many readings and gurus tell us that it is just a mindset. eckhart tolle new earth - awakening your life's purpose ( if you aren't aware i am somewhat of a 'self help' type book junky) advocates this loosely but expands on the 'present moment' being the most valuable where one should be in absolute 'present' in being - mind, body and self. Of course there are all the other theories that which he describes as 'pain body', the ego, the human vs being...etc that have been said, but he does put it in a perspective that is easier for the lay person to comprehend.

it is a mindset that is logical somewhat, but i struggle with 'being' it. i guess that is the eternal struggle in the general.

on another thought - 'the happiest baby on the block' is a helpful book for new and not so new parents, very easy to read, and again, nothing that hasn't been said in more so in the 'olden' days in various writings, sayings etc, but all in one book with update explanations or really some explanation to the 'whys' that these methods seem to work.

the baby signing book is another I'm starting, I've always love languages but am terrible at maintaining them. sign language i believe can be a 'life skill' in many situations or helpful at least. this seems to be a not so new movement offered for a while for babies to help understand and easy the transition to verbal language. I think it will be fun for the girls to learn and develop with their new baby doll.

still struggling with the mess in my brain and the logic:)

as i said it's blah today.

thinking...

2008-09-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.
- Jean-Paul Sartre

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
- Peter Ustinov

2008-09-14T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
- Bruce Grocott

Lady Poo-alot

2008-09-03T10:08:00.000-07:00

graced us with her presence on june 28, 2008 at 5.25pm. Weighing 8 pounds and 19.1 inches.

she is indeed an amazing entity with a personality that is all her own:) i love her toes and fingers. her smiles lights us all up and her expressions make us laugh alot.

when she cries we take pictures and video her.

everything she does fill us with wonder and fascination.

hopefully, we won't screw her up too badly. yesterday, someone told me that her friend had started a therapy fund for her child as she knows she's already messing the child up.

that is definitely an idea.

Elex is nine weeks. It seems true the corny sayings on 'taking time to smell the roses' and how your mind and priorities change etc. the significance of all the 'wisdom words' seem to hold more meaning as time goes on. i can actually feel my vulnerability and mortality. (well could be the hormones as well) personally i seem quite foreign to myself these days.

short version (as i could go on and on...)it was a 2-day labour, forceps and vacuum, a posterior birth, broken blood vessels in my eyes and right side of my face, etc etc etc and still some residue of the body repairing horrors...i looked like Frankenstein then.

However, people tell me now that i look the same, and since i can wear my pre pregnancy clothes, i guess it's true.

the first few weeks were blurry and i was just in coping mode. But as each day passes, this amazing wonder, this human possibility is truly awesome.

as most parents say, words fail to express this experience.

it is not for everyone, we all have our paths, but it's not something that can be explained or described, it just has to be experienced. however, there is one necessary component, you have to want to.

i'm lucky that i have ash and am. they loVe helping, (even changing diapers) and are so enthused by Elex that their friends are all asking their parents for another sibling, which I get alot of flag about!

this is a good day post:) the lady calls...changing diaper number 5.

mind quotes

2008-06-26T09:52:00.001-07:00

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.
- Zach Braff

Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be.
- Jim Horning

If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
- Emerson Pugh

quotes of the day

2008-06-16T12:22:00.001-07:00

The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet.
- William Gibson

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little.
- Joe Martin

Hummm

2008-06-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

The best way out is always through.
- Robert Frost

We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.
- John W. Gardner

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.
- Cyril Connolly

quoting quotes

2008-06-05T18:03:00.000-07:00

If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.
- Ludwig Wittgenstein

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
- Dave Barry

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

apposite quotes

2008-06-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.
- Thomas Fuller

There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.
- Sir Francis Bacon

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
- Tom Robbins

grumpy

2008-05-29T11:37:00.000-07:00

tired of waddling
tired of rolling
tired of hormones
tired of grumps
tired of being female

I say this alot, especially now...
grass is greener as a man
i envy that

i know there are greatness to being female
don't care, can't think of any
i want to be a man

i would like to win the lottery
i would like to be unfat ( although, apparently all i have is a humongous belly)
the one cool thing is that it is a really cool feeling and i love the movements and the result.
just detest the transition to the outside world

i'm grumpy

i would like a pampered vacation with my own slave please.

watermelon news

2008-03-20T17:49:00.000-07:00

i have fail to tell some very good friends that there is indeed a watermelon growing in my tummy.
i guess i've been very caught up with doing life.
so if you are still reading my blog you will know, if not, you will not.
unless i bump into you around town, yes literally bump into you:)

dan takes full responsibility for it, and i take none.
i was shocked and dan was not.
we have two different stories, but of course mine is the right one.

july 5 is the magical date.
i will be glad for the whole year off.
well, until i run out of $ and cannot pay the mortgage.

i bought lotteries tickets for myself today for the first time for a long while.
i usually buy them for my parents once in a while.
so, when i win, i plan to travel, read lots of books, i will study all the many things that so intrigue me, invent things, and finally open my quaint dream cafe, book store, knick-knack crafty venture. oh yes, and a shopping spree:)
there are a few more practical things i will do, but i won't bore you.

ignorance

2008-03-20T10:40:00.000-07:00

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
- WC Fields
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
- Will Durant

i'm reading 'the brain that changes itself' very interesting. always so intrigued by neurosciences. so far 4/5.

recently finished:
moral disorder - margaret atwood - rating 3/5
knights of the black and white - jack whyte rating 3/5
the in-between world of vikram lall - mg vassanji 31/2/5

two books that i just bought:
the alchemist and the witch of portobello both by paulo coelho. heard mix reviews...will see.

more great books to read that are still packed up...

ignorance is a very thought provoking state.
the infamous saying: ignorance is bliss, is a truly loaded phrase.
i wish sometimes the in-between state of being ignorant but my logic cannot justify this wanting.
i am fascinated by the recent year or so of experiences and observations in environments that have challenged my very thought of what is normal.
i try to be in constant openness to possibilities that are different to the way i think and know.
so that i may perhaps grasps somehow, if not fully convince myself of an understanding beyond my own logic.
it has been truthfully quite draining in mind set logic as well as emotionally.
it is coming to an end.
on most days i am so relieved
but on occasion, i find that i am sadden by the possibilities that will not come.
the horizon started very brightly
i'm not sure if i had a play in the dimming of it.
i run events backwards, and have not a clue.
if anything, another chapter is at its end, and i know i have learn new and grown in ways that have not come to light yet.
i today, am looking forward to what is ahead.
life is a concoction of amazing, crazy and surprising elements...

fool, tedious, sleep

2008-03-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool.
- Joseph Roux
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
- Oscar Wilde
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
- Joan Klempner

can't wait for change!

mind

2008-03-17T22:56:00.000-07:00

behind me
fleeting pictures, movie reels, rolling back in time
nostalgia, always better when remembered
in fondness, when present is bleak...not bad...just a dash dark
in my restlessness, and wanderings, i learn about me
about innate nature about many i don't fancy
i past time, with hopes still in the making
waiting, running, doing, toward...something.

touchy touchy

2007-12-27T19:55:00.000-08:00

i am typing this entry on my fab iPod touch! yes am a lucky girl yet again!

x'mas has been a spoiling for all of us, great indulgence, company and family.

the renos are almost done, we see the light at the end of the tunnel, although there are many spaces still for future development and projects. sonow let's see how long it takes for the 10% and the organizing! then you are all invited! hopefully before 2009! ha! ha!

wishing all of you a fantastic New Year filled with all good things!

hsbc

2007-10-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i've been so frustrated with a service vendor. hsbc has got to be one of the worst banks in the world. it's crazy how we let these big corporations bully us and take our money.

at this moment if i was more unstable, i would like to blow them up. sometimes it's almost more human to be insane.

do not bank.

working there was great. banking is not.

Reno Hell Part 1

2007-10-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

life is about experiences...so they say.
we have experienced the following highlights:

floor staining disaster trying to save some $
painting fiasco (we are not so good painters but got better)
flood in kitchen after turning the hot water pipe on
termites
potential asbestos poisoning

we moved in on oct 6 2007.

bashed down a wall, and even with plastic coverings, living in a mist of dusting particle daily. good thing we all have strong lungs for now.

i am very grumpy, so i'm told and should not talk, hence the blogging.

we eat microwave eggs and toast, but the microwave at work works better, i seem to explode the ones at home.

i have flex hours at work and am able to work from 9:30 to 2:30 and then again from 10pm to about 1, 2, or 3pm.

so, just reporting that i am still alive and so is my family.

keys!

2007-08-29T21:12:00.001-07:00

we get our keys tomorrow! yeah to personal space! it's been a spoiling staying at mom's and dad's but i so need me own territory.

summary on recent events:

bijan's infomax reunion was spectacular / reminicsing
surprise shower was naked
not so surprise shower was really nice
post wedding was beautiful
lobster with kimmy was beyond orgasmic
kidlets time was wonderful
old friends dinner was rich
fish tank bbq was joyful
dan time was divine.

pay cards

2007-08-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

technology never ends...in the payroll world for 'unbanked' employees is the terminology for employees who don't have bank accounts, (yes persons do exists) there is an option to offer debit payroll cards. it will also work for international payments to employees in countries where there are direct deposits or wire transfer limitations.

industries where seasonal, students, international contract workers are part of the normality, this seems to be an efficient idea.

similarly, banks are already offering gift debit cards that can be re-loaded particularly aimed at the up growing younger generation where instead of bundled gifts, we have the option of the options.

dichotomy

2007-08-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

in the world of intimate thinking, swimming, treading water, trying to stay afloat, sometimes such a tiresome feat.

obviously drained and tired from it seems too much of goodness as it has been goodness good experiences...strange but perhaps this is not it...but the every lusting for what the perceived self is.

wacky.

random thoughts on a wandering mind

2007-08-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

it's full. my mind, of clutter, past events and loads of to dos, that i have or should pen to life, or it'll be forgotten in the midst of wanderings and wonderings.

not in any particular order...

met up with keith, tina and serena in july is was delightful, dan and the girls continued to play while I jetted of to the wonderful bliss of another spa present:)

ambrey was delighted with her surprise b-day trip to the nail bar with her friend and sister. It was so cute to see, though she was warn that experiences are good in moderation....:)

naramata, otter lake and mable lake camping, wineries were spectacular and spoiling. many characters and play and memorable events. ash & am will remember the water tubing thingy at naramata, friends to play with at otter lake, new member and pets at mable lake:) I will remember Rob's sauna / sweat lodge version 2.0. he came up with this idea last year, to build a sauna on the beach, scouted around for 'twigs and wood', managed to get tarps, heated stones all day, and voila version 1.0 was born! this year it was even better and hotter, and we had neighbours that joined us. creativity runs rapid in that family! all very satisfying.

fireworks with kim and elle and scrumptious meal at Azia ice cream, good chats, good company - simple pleasures.

oyster fest for stressed out women staff dinner. it was....oysterific:)

kidlets got a surprise trip to disneyland. the genes of the dare-devil is in ambrey, who is so small and barely made the height restrictions - adventure park roller coaster and the tower of terror are her absolute favourites. the lord be with me! 2-week trip. san diego was the highlight, as ashti has been begging to see the Panda's at the san diego zoo for 2 years. she's crazy about pandas. it was splendid! The zoo, the wild life park, seaworld, we managed to tadem bike by the beach, sun by the pool, shop, visit hollywood, universal studios, wander and roam...we even when to see a movie:) i must say the water park at universal was quite amazing, the rest of universal was basically a bit dated but still wow to the girls.

kids delighted at going to see the medeor showers /comet event ( I had to meet a deadline but can't complain...)

well, i know there were lots more, just what sauntered and happened into mind. so into the box of experiences and delightful, simple memories for later enjoyment.

coming attractions this month:

- bijan's infomax reunion
- a surprise shower
- a not surprise shower
- post wedding event celebration
- another not surprise tea shower
- lobster dinner!!!!
- another oyster fest:)(dan that's the present from your mom:)
- aquarium summer bbq
- b-day dinner
- meets with old friends

it's a good life...

Spider Web

2007-08-07T09:47:00.000-07:00

it is an intricate task, the spider has. weaving what seemly is simple but complex at the same time. the work and effort seem to go on forever, it looks sturdy, strong and a reliable place, until the swish of a thoughtless gesture from a feather duster, a gush of wind.

all gone, does he begin again?

smartness would tell him to try some where else.

fireworks & eats

2007-08-01T17:55:00.000-07:00

its a working freazy right now, can't keep up, feel the stress...yuk!

so off for some down time.

here's a quote for the day:

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
- Tallulah Bankhead

I guess i'm a good girl now

to continue the ridiculous woman and other happenings

2007-07-31T11:38:00.000-07:00

i was patiently waiting as is the norm in west vancouver for a parking spot in the village of course next to the liquor store. i was there for at least a minute, probably longer, when the ridiculous woman reversed and backed into my passenger side car door. she then proceeded to tell me that i should have warned her and that the damage on my car was old. i told her she was a ridiculous woman and she should re-take her driving test.

i then proceeded to do some shopping therapy, and sat down for a nice meal with the kidlets.

i happened to have a nice b-day dinner with a few of the specials and haven't seens in my life a while back and happened to bump into rachel, paul, aaron and cate at the same restaurant, we somehow invited ourselves to paul & rachels and proceeded to have a wonderful time playing the Wii and making mini Mi's i think it's called.

sweet rachel surprised me with flowers, the best sister in the world surprised flowers at work. i was shining.

work surprised me with a barbacue, my fav cake and b-day favours. i was spoilt.

i've been to the spa twice that is almost double my life-time of spa experiences.

humans are getting married again and we have five weddings this year...crazy...

people are also multiplying and we have babies to visit.

showers are also in the works.

did i mentioned we are moving?

i like my life filled & complicated.

for this year.

the strike, a ridiculous woman, & other happenings

2007-07-30T21:03:00.000-07:00

the strike was a nightmare that turned into a dream. i get to work from home most days.

one day i had to go to the office and brought my gems along. they were very good for more than 7 hours. we played the last day of the soccer clinic, they met all of the five persons i work with at HQ, brought back lunch, Jim entertained them with the 'magic board', and i worked and worked until it was time to go. we went to the village to have dinner. this is where i met the ridiculous woman.

In the mist of chaos

2007-07-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

and seemingly loving it.

today is a nice day. sun is peeking, the house is in a mess, it's a lazy sunday afternoon, done lots of nice unrememberable doings, but somehow it has been very satisfying.

i did not mention that we are moving. we are moving to north burnaby where apparently there is a nice neighbourhood for the kidlets and a suburban breed of lifestyle that we are looking for. I want to know my neighbours damn it!

i grew up a while back (so i think), where we lived in a neighbour on top of a hill, where us kids roamed free, our parents knew each other, moms had women type gatherings, parties and tea chit chats, dads worked crazy hours but had men things they did, we had big events, like new years and christmas had neighbourhood parties held by individuals who liked hosting them ( my parents were one of them) where the whole neighbourhood and relatives from everywhere would get together, catch up on each other, socialize and basically enjoy and experience each other. Some of us would go on vacations together, it was a very enjoyable, interesting and living time. Of course, there are cons to this, where everyone knew everyone's downfalls, and people are nosy, privacy is definitely scarce. There was a lady I remember who had an affair with a man down her street, both had families, although probaby not to her, it was a very interesting story that unfolded that speaks to our tolerance and non, and just the flaws and lovliness of being human. as a child, there are lessons and observations that were quite remarkable especially for her own children.

i read a book by M Gladwell, that implies that parents may having an influence on their kids, but most studies are showing that the people they meet daily, the neighbourhood, schools, and encounters are far far more influential in shaping what they actually do, their choices, their personality....

this lack of control is sometimes quite frightening to me as a mom, but more so as an adult. An example he gave, was something as simple as j walking. a person may decide to j walk but sees that no one else is, so he is a bit undecided, then someone does, and he follows...just a few days ago i we were trying to find parking downtown but it wasn't 6pm, sis mentioned hey if there are cars there and usually there are, we can follow....i didn't want to take the risk because i have a series of parking tickets and am trying to turn into a new leave:) anyway, we observed that cars were parked in a collective, sitting in their cars waiting, no one got out as it wasn't six yet.

simple gestures, may even be insignificant, coincidences at times, but read the book things to ponder anyway. basically we subconsciously do a lot of unexplained, illogical things. there are other concepts as well that are quite worth thinking about...

ok rambling, not exactly what i set out to blog about but now i'm hungry...so this is it for now:)

samplings of distress

2007-05-30T00:19:00.000-07:00

not liking today very much, and always feel the need to purge when sad. no great reasons why, just some good ones that i cannot reveal.

life changes in so many directions and i do have a good life. it's the off days and restlessness i find hard to handle when little bits of experiences nibble and gnaw at you and before you know it your skin has fallen off, oh well, i guess on the brighter side, the new skin is usual prettier. well, this makes sense to me if not you anyway.

are you stumbling as i am, sometimes i walk so beautifully, i want to be that way always, i haven't discovered the secret yet, but i know it's there.

what makes the undeserving, deserving, and the deserving, undeserving, this is a mystery that should not be.

i want to know, and grow, and learn, and evolve, but it seems a damned feat.

well when the stumbling is too much, i guess i do what i usually do, read psycho analysis type lit, and pour a glass of red wine.

cheers

April 28, 2007

2007-04-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

this is a moment in my time that i would liked captured, ingrain, put on the wall, tattooed and crazy glued to heart and pre-frontal lobe of mind.

I was reading in bed this morning, like some Saturday mornings, Stumbling on Happiness, a good easy to read book with thought provoking concepts, my favourites!

anyway up bounced my beautiful gems with breakfast of an omelet of green onions, cheese, and onions with black tea for both of us.

not that they haven't done breakfast before, but this time it was a surprise, unexpected and an incredible joy.

the kind you receive when you least expect something incredibly pure and real. Like when someone tells you out of the blue that you have made a difference in their moment, like when you carelessly dropped your lunch all over the floor and a stranger helps you clean it up, like when the sun quite abruptly shines through very dark clouds, like when you are the new person on a school bus and one person smiles at you...

i am reminded again, on the amazing ineffable experiences of simplicity that can feel and bring so much good endorphins and mouth aching smiles,that emanates your entire being, that to me is really better than winning the lottery (and that to me is the ultimate as I have great plans for my winnings! grin!)

it is a tremendous moment of the greatest bliss, and I am so thankful.

advice

2006-11-16T23:48:00.000-08:00

Instructions on a hairdryer:

do not use while sleeping (jamie if you read this, please take note)

A Good Medical Study

An interesting conclusion for the thousands of you that watch what you eat...relief to finally know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians, British and Americans.

The Mexican eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians, British and Americans.

The Japanese drink very little wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadian, British and Americans.

The Itlians and French drink excessive amounts of wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians, British and Americans.

The Germans drink lots of beer and eat lots of sausage and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Canadians, British and Americans.

The conclustion is eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what is killing you.

- Found on the wall of Peter Legge's doctor's office.

nothing brilliant to say

2006-11-07T21:22:00.000-08:00

today.
k.
may.
say.
nothing.
nada.
hey!

good nite.
bright
tight
light
bite
kite
sight
right!

delight!

smile!
wide....for a mile!

sunday mOrNing...

2006-11-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

woke up to k-os...its sunday morning...

breakfast with cousins
kids soccers
kathy dinner
install some router thing
research for work

i'm tired already...

eating is good

2006-11-03T00:39:00.000-08:00

i lOOve my man
i lOOve kimmy and indian food
i lOOve my sis
i lOOve lots

the end.