Wishful Thinking

I have decided. the mind made up is terrifying and relieving at the same time. I am at the junction of change, and I'm sad, and scared, and ecstatic and deeply filled with cries I can't fully comprehend. I can't tolerate my "wishous" cycle any longer and it can't tolerate me. We are parting but this somewhat addiction to all I've been for the past almost 5 years is screaming bloody murder, kicking and rebelling and not adhering to the emotional literate part of self. It's painful, it's damning and I don't want to do it. However, I am chosing to stop the madness, which some may say is only in my mind. That though, is the worst place it can be. For the sake of me and all the people I impact I must abandon this vicious wish. All that be, give me strength and wisdom to move.

There is an emotional literacy and eloquence in some souls that are radiant.  I long to fuse with that.

Miracles

I read that miracles are just a shift in perception.

I find that we coddle our perception in forms of righteousness even when it is detrimental to our peace, happiness and sanity.  We miss so many moments of presence and joy because we cannot release our sense/emotion/belief of righteous rightness of a situation and often create an atmosphere of toxicity for all experiencing that energy, as well as create physical ailments for ourselves with headaches, flu, stomach discomforts or worse. We have all experience how the energy of an individual or group can spread quietly or like wildfire. Just look at our world at large or in our smaller worlds. It takes miracles for one to choose differently and not be affected.  It takes conscious and awake efforts to shift this useless mindset and let it go when we create them, or when others do. We all affect each other and we all forget this actuality. We are so powerful and fatuous at the same time.

I read that when we coddle any emotion for moments it's called a mood, for months it's called a temperament and years it becomes your personality.

Each year I try to find a word that resonates. Reflecting at the end of the year, most often than not, this practice has helped me focus.  It works better for me than New Year's resolutions, although some years I do that too.

I feel we are all in need of miracles, we are all in need of shifts in our perceptions in order to live a life that is reflective of our deepest yearnings and joys.

May we all create many miracles this year.

evolution

tides are changing and there seem to be newness and evolution in the future. i am restless for an aegis that seems to be a delusion. where is the efficacy of enlightenment that are glimpses of a dream, but as i open my eyes, it is not there? the tides keep rolling, the waves are magnificent, but i can't seem to surf above the water...

differently

devastated, broken, sad...
human nature, choice, why...
so admired, so true, so...so good...
dear friend, dear soul, dear energy...
changed, morph, i think the end...
choices, why...
essences, dust, i think i may have to say goodbye...
so, so, so....evolution or damnation.
we make our choices.
life is fragile, we all choose...
and i choose differently.

Action

Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality. 

Edgar Allan Poe 

When action does not have your back.

today

this night, i was ecstatically happy, by myself, doing and doing, and getting things done, indulging in my secret pleasure - 70's tunes...then people invaded and i'm not ecstatic or happy. sometimes other atoms are explosively disruptive to the brilliance of separateness.  again, there will be the opposite of this perspective on another day...grumble grumble noise...